Unashamed Truths of a Middle Class Twenty Something

I'm figuring it all out as I go.

What I LOVE Hearing As a Woman

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I’m a feminist. I’m not going to lie. As a woman, I hear lots of “interesting” things come out of people’s mouths – men and women’s. I’m sure every woman has heard these and others. I probably pay attention to the meanings behind these comments and questions more than most. Partially because I’m aware. Partially because I lived in a beautiful bubble that had a tendency to call out misogynistic bullshit, but then I graduated. Partially because I’ve always been irked by the patriarchy. I have decided, as a full fledged adult, to take on the world. Or, at least, draw attention to my liberal, ideological self.

Q: “Is it weird for you that your younger brother is engaged before you?”
A: “I kind of always figured that would happen since he wants to get married. I feel engagement is an appropriate step for him. I’m kind of attached to the nudity of my ring finger. I think I’ll get nine really big rings and leave that one specific finger naked. Would that make my point better?”

“But you’re just so pretty and nice. You’ll make a great wife, don’t worry.” Yeah THAT is why I don’t want to get married because I’m worried I’ll be a bad wife… Fuck off!!! Have you seen my dinner parties? I’d be the best damn wife. That doesn’t mean I want to be the best damn wife.

That one time… Those many times that guys refuse to continue talking to me because they found out I’m a feminist. It’s less offensive to scream “cunt.” Sorry, I’d really like to be treated like a person and have some options instead of having the societal norm and your dick shoved down my throat without my consent. Women have the right to be a stay at home mom IF THAT IS WHAT THEY WANT!!! Or not.

“Bisexual isn’t actually a sexuality. It’s just someone who can’t decide.” Here’s the deal. As long as people aren’t fucking in your bed, you shouldn’t care. While you’re here, sexuality is a spectrum. Go look up Kinsey, he was onto something.

Leslie Jamison wrote the essay “Grand Unified Theory of Female Pain.” For those of you unfamiliar with this, it is about how the pain of women is marginalized. Discussing how women are often teased into silence about their pain. How women have to prove the amount of pain they’re experiencing, while men are just believed. How women are often pushed to the side – as the article mentions quite literally to the side of the hospital hallway – in order to allow men to be seen first. How it can be helpful if not imperative to have a male witness accompany a woman to the doctor, so he can testify to her pain experiences.
I personally go through excruciating and debilitating pain once a month for the only reason that I am a woman. I have consulted doctors and tried numerous medications to try reducing my pain to no avail. It’s been ten years, I still have no answers. Last year when I was in the hospital, a female doctor didn’t take my pain seriously nor did she believe what I was telling her. Had I listened to her advice and not gone to a -different – doctor the next day, I probably would have died. Suffice to say, even with not dying I was in the hospital for a week, had surgery, and took months to fully recover. But, “It can’t hurt that bad.” Right now, I’m trying to get into a gastroenterologist to try and figure out why I haven’t really eaten in six months, but you know, no big deal. Now, I almost never go to the doctor unless I have a male with me. I get taken a lot more seriously when they’re there. That sucks.
These are just a few examples of what women go through every day. Our pain is less than. Men like to make the joke that getting kicked in the balls is worse than pushing a baby out of a vagina because “no man wants to get hit in the balls again, but women have more children after the first one.” Fact: women have a higher pain tolerance than men. And men play stupid games all the time where they consenually hit/kick each other in the balls. Also, what do men get out of being kicked in the balls? Literally just pain. What do women AND men get out of childbirth? A fucking human being. You know that same being most people attribute there worth and greatest achievement.
Here’s an example of the marginalization of female pain. We glorify women who have natural childbirth. I have heard so many times “she took it like a trooper.” Why are we trying to silence this pain? It’s natural, it will hurt. Why shouldn’t women take the drugs if it helps make the experience more bearable? If she wants drugs, give them to her. If she doesn’t want drugs, don’t give them to her. Her body, her choice.
More importantly: Stop making me justify my pain!

“You’ll change your mind.” Oh my God!!! Maybe, maybe not. I know me infinitely better than you know me. Actually, you just met me. You don’t know me at all. Keep your opinions to yourself. I have agency dammit! Why does possessing a vagina mean I must inherently want babies? My penile counterparts are not bombarded with the same harassment.

“Transwomen aren’t women.” Oh go fuck yourself. I’m not even kidding.

“Why do you always bring up black issues when talking about feminism. You’re all women.” First of all, I’m intersectional as fuck. I may be a cis, white, straight woman with some battles of my own, but this melanin comes with privileges. You better believe I’m going to use this genetically derived privilege to help my fellow women who face even bigger obstacles than I do. I may not live their lives, but I will help fight their battles any way I can. That means I am going to break down the white feminist wall one asshat at a time.

“You just haven’t met the right man.” Just no.

“You like to cook?” Of course I like to cook. I also like to eat.

End rant for now. I have  more. I will save your sensibilities for now. I don’t want the hysteria to grab a hold of you.

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Author: Midwestern Twenty Something

RaeAnna is a wanderer on a mission; though, she's not always sure what that mission is. Taking on adulthood with a sense of humor, a book, and her dog, she's ready to conquer the world. Unafraid to celebrate her faults or photograph her tumbles, she aims to help people see life as an ever-rolling, lopsided wheel instead of the perfectly manicured and Instagrammably stationary square we wish it were.

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