Unashamed Truths of a Middle Class Twenty Something

I'm figuring it all out as I go.

Surviving Rape in The Age of Technology

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Technology has never been something I’m good at, but it is something I have come to embrace and enjoy. I’ve had a Facebook since 2006, so damn near ten years. I was raped for the first time in 2008 and for the last time in 2013, which is solidly after the first time I signed into Facebook. I have just started embracing the wonder of Timehop, though.

Timehop is a beautiful thing. In the spring, it reminded me of my adventures in France five years ago. In the summer, it showed me all my touristing in London I had three years ago. Lately, it’s been reminding me of the fun I had my senior year as my best friend and I fell in platonic love two years ago. It has reminded me of loves and friendships and trips and so many things I’ve forgotten about over the years. It’s a beautiful blast through the past.

Here’s the crappy thing about Timehop: there are five years where my life wasn’t as happy as it looked on Facebook. Sometimes, most days, it’s not always easy looking through Timehop because I posted one thing, and I’m reminded of something else.

Facebook may have shown a picture of a happy family memory or cute little status, but that’s not what I remember about the day. I’m glad I didn’t start using the app until this year. I have a good handle on my PTSD, now. I won’t go spiraling out of control if I remember the day I was raped up against a tree in my favorite park or my mom yelled down the stairs to be quieter as my boyfriend raped me on the couch. I don’t remember tons from my last two years of high school. What I do remember is hazy and blends together. I’ve been remembering things more and more in the last three years as I have come to terms and heal. Timehop has excellerated the remembering process tremendously. They’re not easy memories to be reminded of, and once upon a time I loathed having flashbacks. Now, I don’t welcome it, but I don’t live in fear of it anymore. It is a part of me. I’ve learned not knowing can be just as hard as knowing.

Timehop for me is a constant trigger warning. If I’m having a bad day or I’m on edge, I just ignore the litte reminder to check. Technology is fantastic, but it also makes my life a little harder in small, inconspicuous ways. Surviving rape isn’t just surviving the event, it is surviving every day after.

 

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Author: Midwestern Twenty Something

RaeAnna is a wanderer on a mission; though, she's not always sure what that mission is. Taking on adulthood with a sense of humor, a book, and her dog, she's ready to conquer the world. Unafraid to celebrate her faults or photograph her tumbles, she aims to help people see life as an ever-rolling, lopsided wheel instead of the perfectly manicured and Instagrammably stationary square we wish it were.

10 thoughts on “Surviving Rape in The Age of Technology

  1. In many, many ways we are archaik creatures and technology won’t change this part inside of us. What is reading through 10 years of facebook compard to a singe hug from someone you love. I think technology is wonderful especially when it comes to keeping in touch but holding you lovers hands, looking into her eyes while talking to her is beyond compare. … I don’t know … that is just a thought that came to my mind reading this blog.

    whishing you all the best!

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  2. Raeanna, I have read all of your posts. I’m curious, what is your definition of rape?

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  3. Just seems like you have found yourself in an unusually high number of “rape” situations. Was thinking maybe your definition of rape was a bit off… Seems like there are a lot of contradicting details in your stories. Hate to be blunt, but some of these situations sound more like poor life choices or regrettable sexual encounters. You sound like a feminist blow-hard who has an extremely inflated sense of entitlement and self-worth. All that said, these blogs are extremely entertaining so keep them coming 😉

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    • Bethany,

      Do some research on rape and the cyclical affect it has. Sounds like you need to because you are I’ll informed.

      Please feel free to keep reading. If we’re friends on Facebook, kindly delete me. You are not a person I would like in my life, in any way.

      That said. I hope no harm comes to you, and that you never have to deal with being called a liar.

      Yours Truly,
      The Person Who Is Trying to Combat Viewpoints Like Yours Who Set Women Back and Keep Survivors From Justice They Deserve

      Liked by 1 person

    • What you’re doing is the definition of victim blaming. It is unfortunate that you were lead to believe that women put themselves in these situations and it is even more unfortunate that you look down on women who have a great sense of self-worth and know that they are important. I hope that one day you too can have a great sense of self worth and that you learn that, as a woman, you are incredibly important and that you are entitled to many things. I hope you are able to educate yourself more on the subject without ever having to experience it. Women should stick together, not attempt to bring each other down.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Bethany,

        Do some research on rape and the cyclical affect it has. Sounds like you need to because you are I’ll informed.

        Please feel free to keep reading. If we’re friends on Facebook, kindly delete me. You are not a person I would like in my life, in any way.

        That said. I hope no harm comes to you, and that you never have to deal with being called a liar.

        Yours Truly,
        The Person Who Is Trying to Combat Viewpoints Like Yours Who Set Women Back and Keep Survivors From Justice They Deserve

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Bethany,

    It is people like you as to why there is a reason for her to be writing these blog posts. Saying you do not believe she was raped and that she made poor life choices is adding to rape culture in today’s society. Let me guess.. You’re an ill educated, white, republican, Christian female. There is a dictionary definition of rape, look it up. But it’s pretty much summed up as NO MEANS NO. I really hope you have never had to experience being raped. Because nobody should ever have to be violated like that. But did you know that 1 in every 6 women is raped or sexually assulted? You probably don’t know that because you don’t seem to know anything. You should go read a book instead of reading this blog post that you don’t actually believe. People like you will get your karma. Probably in the form of “poor life choices”. Have a great day.

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    • I am assuming you are I’ll educated about rape. Not in general.

      So what you’re saying is that men should only take me seriously if I’m fighting back? If I only say “no” it doesn’t count? That as a woman, my word shouldn’t be taken at face value.

      Also this is an incredibly personal topic. I choose not to recount how I fought back because it doesn’t change the fact I was raped. I may be a feminist, but I’m also realistic. I am tall, but I am not strong enough to fight off a grown man who beat the crap out of me for weeks, months, and years. There is more to an abusive relationship than physical violence. It is not the survivors job to justify their actions; it is the rapists job to not rape.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s funny you assume I’m ill-educated because we have conflicting viewpoints. All these accounts of rape but you never mention fighting back. Why is that? Seems like a lot of your experiences could have ended up differently if you would have followed up the no means no thing with some violence.

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