Unashamed Truths of a Middle Class Twenty Something

I'm figuring it all out as I go.

This Is My Body. That Is Your Body. Be Happy.

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We live in a world where a healthy/positive body image is heavily publicized and encouraged. This is fanfuckingtastic. Really! Everyone’s body is different and beautiful. No one should ever be made to feel bad about how they look.

Sometimes, I think we’ve taken it a step too far and turned into the body image police. I see it in my life whenever I talk about my weight. Here’s the thing. I’m 5’10” that’s tall. I’m always going to be a bigger person. There is nothing small about me. I’m 5′ fucking 10″. I go to malls and tower over people. I can’t buy most clothes and if I do I can’t bend over or everyone will be intimately acquainted with my underwear selection. I’m also not a heavy person. I’ve never been heavy. I weigh 152.8 lbs. right now. I weighed myself. I wear a size small or medium shirt and a size 4, 6, or 8 depending. Nothing about any of what I have said is unhealthy. I am a very healthy weight. I like my body.

I am the heaviest I have ever been. Yes, I have a woman’s body. It’s awesome! I wouldn’t change that. I love my body, but I would love it even more if I were thinner and toned. I grew up a stick. I didn’t get boobs til I was 18. I was 5’9″ and 115 lbs. I was tiny. I trained to be a ballerina and worked out like a motherfucker in my adolescence and teen years. I don’t know how to be 152.8 lbs. I don’t like it. I feel yucky. I feel weighed down. I feel like I can’t move the way I used to or want to because I’m carrying an extra 15-20 lbs. I want to lose weight. I have very fine bone structure. Without changing my diet and exercising 5 hours I week I can be 135 in a month. (This is a little unrealistic since I work/commute over 70 hours a week, but it can be done.) I FEEL better at 135. Yes that is thin for my height, but it’s not unhealthy. I have fine bone structure and carry my weight throughout my whole body. At 135, I don’t even look that thin. I don’t even drop a dress size. Everything basically stays the same, I just jiggle less. I may buy one new pair of jeans.

Here’s where the problem is. Everything I just said, no one should have a problem with. a) I want to lose weight to feel healthier. b) I don’t have unrealistic goals for my body. c) I’m staying within a healthy range. d) I’m doing it for me.

I do not change weight for anyone. I get in shape for me because I feel better about myself. When I tell people I’m trying to lose weight, I am immediately accosted with “You look fantastic!!!” “Why do you want to lose weight???” “You’re perfect.” “You should love your body how it is.” I do love my body how it is. I’d love it more thinner. We’re so aware of body image and body acceptance that we have taken it to the point that people are making me feel bad that I’d even think about changing my body; really, I’m just reverting back to a previous version.

If you like your body the way it is: FANTASTIC!

I think if you want to change, change. Go you! Just make sure you’re doing it in a healthy way and are staying healthy. Go do you!

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Author: Midwestern Twenty Something

RaeAnna is a wanderer on a mission; though, she's not always sure what that mission is. Taking on adulthood with a sense of humor, a book, and her dog, she's ready to conquer the world. Unafraid to celebrate her faults or photograph her tumbles, she aims to help people see life as an ever-rolling, lopsided wheel instead of the perfectly manicured and Instagrammably stationary square we wish it were.

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