Not the Same List You’ve Read on Buzzfeed/Huffington Post/Whatever-Us-Millenials-Read.
At 5’10” I’m taller than most girls. At 5’10” I’m the average height of men. So on this planet, I qualify as a tall person. Being tall you’ll face some unique challenges. Many of which we have read. I’m going to talk about the dilemmas us tall girls don’t talk about, maybe some of us don’t even think of it.
1) We’re always complaining about pants. Pants are too short (they are), but I want to complain about ALL clothes. I enter a store and see cute clothes. Walk over and hold a dress up to myself: “Well, this will make a cute shirt.” Generally, skirts and shirts and shorts and parkas and jackets and capris are all too short. Scarves. Never once had a scarf problem. So a cute trend has been going on for a little while. Let’s go to Taylor Swift. The cute flared skirt that sits at her waist and hits mid-thigh paired with an adorable crop top. LOVE IT! You know exactly what I’m talking about. Like TSwift, I’m tall. Unlike Swifty, I’m not worth millions (or thousands for that matter). I can only afford the H&M/Forever 21 versions. For me the skirt is basically a waist sock; I would need to buy a second for me ass. So I leave the fashion trends to my 5’7″ and shorter friends.
2. Toilets are ergonomically designed… for not tall people. Sitting down to pee can be a long harrowing journey for my knees. Tall girls, like all girls, sometimes wear heels, which makes the distance even greater and more of a challenge. Many a time I have thought “hmm… I can hold it another hour. Allowing more time for pee to collect… Which means I will eliminate at least one trip to the bathroom.” I am now used to sitting down on toilets. On occassion, I partake in overconsuming alcohol like many an average heighted human. Due to a) alocohol or b) other factors: Deliriousness, Intoxication, Exhaustion, Distraction: I may underestimate the butt-seat distance and end up accidentally relaxing my knees too soon causing me to basically fall in.
3) Dating. This is much talked about in the sense of “tall guys never want tall girls.” (Truth my brother is 6’2″ and engaged to a girl who is 5’1.5″ on a good day.) I am not opposed to dating shorter, and many a time I have. Here is my argument for why tall guys should date tall girls: Kissing me will not end in future/current back pain. Think about it. You won’t have to bend over. Just lean in! Really I’m thinking about YOUR health.
4) This isn’t so much a now thing. My father started on my daily coffee regimen at the old old age of six. Everyone would always exclaim aghast: “It will stunt your growth.” 17 years later… Thank fucking God it did. I love being tall, but 6’2″ is just extravagant. Have I mentioned the skirt issue?
5) Small girls always complain about guys picking them up and tossing them around. NO ONE CAN PICK ME UP! It doesn’t matter if the guy is super strong or that I don’t really weigh that much. It’s like picking up a medium sized stick. You can do stuff with it and toss it around. Now pick up a long fucking branch. You can pick it up, but you can’t do much except get it off the ground because it’s everywhere. As a tall girl, I would love to know what it feel like to have a guy pick me up and throw me over his shoulder… Or ya know, be able to move me around in bed. (Yes, it’s sexual.)
6) Complaining about pants. If the topic of short pants comes up when talking to average sized people, sometimes they like to insert a comment about “Oh, I totally get it. I have a short torso and long legs. I can’t find pants either.” That’s cool. It’s “hard” to find pants. Sorry you’re disproportionate, but I’m six inches taller than you. Even if your legs are super long, mine are still three inches longer. I win.
7) I tend to be one of the tallest people in a room. I am usually the tallest girl. When I’m not the tallest girl in a room, even if she beats me by half an inch, I just look at her and think poor thing. Being tall isn’t a curse, but shopping sure makes it feel that way.
8) Tall girls have a secret club. It’s not official or anything, but if we’re at a function or event or something which requires us to mingle with people we don’t know, tall girls gravitate towards eachother. We have one thing in common! We’re tall. We’ll find something to talk about, even if it has nothing to do with height.
9) Pictures… It doesn’t matter that I’m a size six or that I’m proportionate or healthy. Whenever I take a person who is short, I always look ginormous. I look big height wise and width wise. So if you’re tall and want to feel good about yourself. Take a selfie or with someone your size or let them stand while you sit in a chair or pick them up or only take close up of your faces. Your short friends are not always good for self esteem.
10) The thing my future self will like most about being tall is pregnancy. The cute image of a woman turned ball due to growing a petite human is well known. But just think, that cute picture is her at six months… What’s she look like at nine months??? Channel blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. Tall girls have a lot more torso storage. My aunt is 6′ even. She barely showed at six months. I count that as a win for future me. Less chance of stretch marks. Less time spent in maternity clothes. Less time feeling like a watermelon. Growing a human is gonna suck, but at least I won’t have to look pregnant for as long.
There are so many more interesting facts about living as a tall girl, but these are the ones that always stick out in my mind! I hope this wasn’t quite as generic as all the other lists.